Here's Something I Wrote pt. 2
There is nothing so frustrating as early feelings. It is supposed to be an exciting, passionate time, full of flirting and teasing. But there is much more to it. The stories fail to remind you of the fear, the indecision, the wondering, wanting.
How closely do you study her?
Searching for hints.
Searching for sings.
Am I seeing things that aren’t really there?
What if I’m misreading the signs?
What if I am too obvious? Am I coming on too strong?
What is she thinking? Is she afraid? Nervous?
Is she anticipating?
I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate. I can’t make a move.
Think of the repercussions.
How will she respond? How will I respond?
Am I not so transparent? How can that be? I’m throwing myself at her!
With each passing day; window; it seems to be closing.
There comes a point in every one-sided love affair when you pass beyond the point of actions.
That cannot be. How could she give up so quickly?
But it seems the case. I should have said something tonight. I should have. Why didn’t I?
Because its risky.
Too many variables. What will people say?
Will I bee looked the fool?
Epictetus would say “so what?”
I say it is more complicated than that. There was a critical aspect of his philosophy.
If I try and fail, did I improve?
How foolish to find yourself in this state.
Why all of a sudden does it come to this?
Why must it always be like this?
Same situation, just a new girl.
Same awkward wants and behavior.
Find a distraction.
Find a solution.
Find someone else!
Just be mine.